


Confessions but Not really

by AnimeGeeeek101



Series: Confessions [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Confessions, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, but not really the romantic kind, kinda like a platonic relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-04-23 11:06:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19149775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeGeeeek101/pseuds/AnimeGeeeek101
Summary: In which...Summaries are tough to write just read it





	1. It is never good to define your relationship so early

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try capturing my thoughts on how these two lovable idiots actually feel for each other. It's just my opinion and this is my very first fic so...please bear with me! And hopefully enjoy ofc :")
> 
> P.S. the first chapter is probably gonna be quite short because of my lack of brain juices sorry

**Hijikata's POV**

 

If he had to describe Sakata Gintoki in just one word, it would be a stupid sweets-loving freak, or a perm-haired bastard, or an idiot with no appreciation for mayonnaise and a lack of brain cells, or...

What? That's not one word, you say?

...Well, it's not like you could ever summarize him in just a word. His personality is just too much for that. It's one of the few things he doesn't understand. How can someone be so conflicting?

All he can say is that Gintoki is...unexpected.

One minute he's a lazy ass who doesn't want to work, and the next he's shouldering all the burden of the people around him, never sparing himself a single thought. And before that idiot knew it, he'd made a pretty deep impression on all those people he met, for better or for worse. Hijikata included.

In a way, you could say that he left too many emotional attachments to so many people that he simply can't be removed from their lives anymore. Kinda like...a shit stain on your underwear that won't go away no matter how much you scrub.

So if he had to describe Sakata Gintoki in one word, it would be...a rival. Or a...friend? A close one, perhaps. He doesn't know.

All he knows is that Gintoki is not someone he could forget even if he tried.

 


	2. Everyone has something they fight to protect, even government dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm Gintoki's POV is a bit harder to write for me but as always, enjoy!!!

**Gintoki's POV**

 

Huh? What does he think of Hijikata Toshirou?

Come on, it's waaay too early in the afternoon to be thinking about that mayo brain. It'll make his head hurt.

No no no, not even if you insist. Who wants to think about that lousy dog food eating bastard with his V-shaped bangs? Oh wait, that might be a disgrace to Sadaharu, dog shit eating would probably be better. And what's up with his V bangs anyway? Compared to that, Gin-san's perm is muuuuch better!

Also, let's not forget that mayora's a tax-thieving government dog. Say goodbye to all that money earned by your hard work- what's worse is that it's probably used to feed that unholy abomination of cigarettes and mayonnaise bottles.

...What do you mean he doesn't have a right to complain when he doesn't even pay taxes? Now you're really sounding like that mayo pig. How dare you. Gin-san is an upstanding citizen, if you have to know! You'll never meet anyone more loyal to the government than him!

Okay fine, maybe Hijikata is.

...His dedication to his precious Shinsengumi is commendable, he'll give him that.

That said, it's not like that fool is blindly following the government and its shitty laws though. Gintoki has seen him fight, and he knows that Hijikata is fighting to protect something important to him.

It doesn't matter how different the things they are both fighting for are. In that aspect, Hijikata is similar to him, even though Gintoki would rather die than admit it.

Okay that's enough about that idiot, there's only so much he can take before he starts getting a headache. Go away, you! Shoo!


	3. Nothing good ever comes from meeting that guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda have an idea of where i want this to go but planning the exact story took a bit longer than i thought.  
> But well it's the hols for me so i have a lot of time :]  
> So here it is, enjoy!

**Hijikata's POV**

 

Every morning, Hijikata prays to his (perhaps non-existent) lucky stars that he won't meet any bothersome troubles during his work.

And as it turns out, either due to his work that entails patrolling around Kabukicho, or some ill fate (he'll make sure his treacherous lucky stars commit seppuku after), he ends up looking into those very dead fish eyes that spell trouble.

Really, 99% of the time he steps into that cursed town, he'll definitely meet the Yorozuya bastard. The circumstances he meets that sugar freak in differ from time to time though, be it in the diner that both of them frequent (Hijikata especially doesn't want to see him and his Uji Gintoki bowl that is really just an offence to taste buds), or when he is meant to investigate some shady job that perm head is doing again.

Whenever he meets that guy around, there is a 100% chance they will argue to no end, and about stupid stuff too. But that's fine, because they are both idiots, although Hijikata refuses to be put into the same category as Gintoki.

Their quarrels leave him mentally drained. And for some reason, he really doesn't know why, somehow they allow him to relax too. Probably because it has become routine enough for him already.

And so he leaves feeling weirdly satisfied, making a mental note to thank whatever lucky stars he has later.


	4. One can't be picky about their source of entertainment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do you know why I started Odd Jobs?  
> Long story short, it was because I had nothing to do.  
> There was nothing I wanted to do, so I decided to do anything.  
> Messed up, right?  
> I'm amazed I came this far when I started it for such a flimsy reason.  
> As like-minded people gathered here, I lost my chance to quit."
> 
> "So I decided that if they ever found something they really needed to do, I'd take down this sign and close up shop.  
> And I've found something I need to do, too."

**Gintoki's POV**

 

After meeting that Shinsengumi dog for the fourth day in a row, Gintoki doesn't know if he should laugh or cry anymore. And that's not the worst of it, he can sometimes run into him multiple times a day (three if the heavens decide to be mean on him that particular day).

He has to admit, great minds do think alike. Gintoki insists that his is better than Hijikata's, though. Because Hijikata's is probably overflowing with excess mayonnaise.

Anyways, what Gintoki wouldn't give to be able to not see his ugly mug for even one day. He is seriously considering smashing his head against the wall in hopes of waking up from this nightmare that's been going on for four days too long.

Now, don't get him wrong. It's not like he is purposely avoiding that mayo-obsessed man, he just doesn't want to see him. Especially because the first thing Hijikata does when he sees him is accuse him of having too much time on his hands.

In which case Gintoki doesn't hesitate to refute him. (Gin-san is working very hard after all!) And then this will just lead to another argument and so forth.

What Gintoki doesn't admit is that he  _does_ have nothing to do. Such is the difficulty of running an Odd Jobs business. There are bound to be days when no job offers come in. There's nothing he can do about that.

So instead, on these days, he either goes to Pachinko to blow off the remainders of his money, or he goes drinking late into the night again. (Note that all these require money, something that he might not have at all times. Then again, he doesn't really care most of the time, it's just that having people chasing after you can be pretty terrifying. Like a certain old hag.)

Another thing Gintoki won't ever admit is that (only when he is flat broke and exceptionally bored) he seeks solace in his interactions with that constantly PMSing tax-thieving bastard.

Oh well, it's said that beggars can't be choosers.

Either that, or Hijikata makes a surprisingly good companion to pass his days of boredom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how they say 60% of your body is made up of water? Well I feel like that 60% of mine just went spilling out in the form of tears.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Damn you Shirogane no Tamashii hen ;-;


	5. There is light in every situation, even on the battlefield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought i'd write this, because i love hijikata fighting alongside gintoki  
> So enjoy!

**Hijikata's POV**

 

A battlefield is like a horror game where you have to watch all of your sides, lest you get jump scared and instantly die.

Hijikata wonders when this horror game started becoming less scary to him.

In a place where blood is the only thing you'll ever see, whether yours or the enemy's, there is no one else you can trust except yourself. Hijikata has fought with countless comrades, and the resulting massacre only made him long to fight alone. At least then he won't have to see the corpses of the people who fought with him till their last breaths. The people he failed to protect.

But fighting alongside Gintoki is different.

It's strange how with Gintoki around, he suddenly doesn't have to worry about his back. The first time he experienced this phenomenon was with Kondo-san, his chief and his friend, back then when he was still known as Thorny Toshi. Also...well there's Sougo but knowing him, he's more likely to point a bazooka at his back the second it was turned.

And now there's Gintoki. It seems crazy, but whenever he fights with Gintoki, it's like he can ignore everything else on the battle ground and just focus on cutting down the opponent in front of him.

And maybe it makes him a heartless person to say this, but when he's fighting alongside Gintoki, he can actually enjoy swinging his sword, even a little bit. Knowing that there's someone else fighting to protect the same thing as him gives him strength to face his enemies head on.

So a lot's been said but when it comes to it, and this is something he'll never say aloud, he's glad to have met Gintoki.


	6. The past is best left unmentioned, but I'm gonna do it anyways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been delaying watching the last episode of Shirogane no tamashii hen 2 in what seems like forever,,, (on a completely unrelated note)  
> Well here is another absurdly short chapter, enjoy:)

**Gintoki's POV**

 

It isn't often that Gintoki thinks about the past, much less talks about it.

But recently, he can't help thinking how different his life is now compared to before. Back then, he'd been feared as a corpse-eating demon by many. Those who didn't realise that he was just an orphaned boy who can't even remember his own parents' names. Back then, Shoyo-sensei had saved him, and he had failed to return the favour. Back then, he had been lost, like a wandering soul trying to find its purpose in life.

And he did find it.

Gintoki couldn't even imagine how his life would be like without all these rays of light penetrating into his very soul. A pair of plain human-wearing glasses, a China glutton with too much strength for everyone's good, and a large dog whose mouth he constantly finds himself in. An old hag whose husband's grave he stole a manju from. A police force made of tax-thieving ronins, and their vice chief with his stupid V-shaped bangs slicked down with mayonnaise.

What was his name again, Oogushi-kun?

But really, Gintoki knows his real name, as much as he knows that Hijikata is the same as him. They have both walked thorny paths in the past, are still walking them now, and will continue to walk further. But they can't be stopped, no matter how many times they get pricked by the thorns. And though their paths may differ, just knowing that there's someone other than him still struggling gives Gintoki the strength to rise again, no matter how many times he falls.

Gintoki doesn't usually think about the past, but when he does, he is thankful to those who have dragged him back time and time again, and will continue to do so. Those who gave meaning to his life, when he couldn't find the will to live anymore.

And so he promised to do the same for them.

As for talking about the past, maybe he isn't so ready to do that just yet. But he knows that when the time comes, he can count on a certain mayo brain to piss him off.


	7. Sometimes doing nothing isn't as bad as you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well i'm sure all of you know already, but today is the day when Gintama's last chapter of the manga is finally published...  
> Kinda sad that it's finally ending but Gintama will forever live on in my heart, and as long as it does, this fic will continue too  
> So here's another chapter^^;

**Hijikata's POV**

 

It's pretty much common knowledge that whenever Hijikata meets that Yorozuya bastard, he won't even have a moment of rest. Each time is a different encounter, none of their adventures ever the same.

Like that one time when he ran into that sugar freak three times in a day (first at a diner, then at a movie, and finally at a sauna). He had been so preoccupied arguing with the perm head that he hadn't even noticed the people who had tried to kill him (to no avail of course, as if he would be killed by nameless people like them!)

And another time when he ran into him unfortunately just when he had been about to key in that lottery ticket. They had ended up being the leaders of a gang of robbers (thanks to Gintoki's stupid perm of a head). Hijikata still laments the 300 million yen he could've spent on mayonnaise bottles. Well, after that, he swore never to buy lottery tickets ever again.

To be honest, it's not that surprising how many times he meets the sugar addict during raids too (of course he just had to be there). And if somehow their motives are the same and they end up cooperating, he can't say it's so bad to get to fight with the Shiroyasha.

But even so, there are rare moments when he meets Gintoki and that moron doesn't feel the need to get them into yet another shit pile of trouble. It is these moments when Hijikata can actually relax, because just for awhile, he can forget that he is the Demonic Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi and Gintoki is the legendary Joui rebel, Shiroyasha. Sure, he's bound to get into an argument with Gintoki (about trivial stuff) that gets his blood racing, but he has to admit doing nothing with that fool isn't as bad as he thought. It is during these moments that he finds himself recollecting the adventures he's had with Gintoki. The stories they have shared, created, and will continue to paint more in the future.

And yeah, Hijikata can probably say that this all isn't so bad after all.

 


	8. Don’t blame yourself for making mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was later than usual because the June hols are ending (sadly) and I was rushing through some schoolwork last minute.  
> But anyways, here it is and enjoy:)

**Gintoki’s POV**

 

Gintoki has lost many things in his life. He has felt the guilt of seeing comrades fall even when he was there. Even when he could have saved them.

And to him, guilt is his worst enemy. It is ever present in his dreams (or nightmares more like), and there is this weight he carries along wherever he goes. It feels like someone is tugging on his heart, never letting go. Probably one of his dead comrades trying to drag him down to hell with them.

But over the past few years, he has come to terms with it. And he was only able to do so because of the people in his life. The people he gradually found himself getting closer to, so much so that even if he tried to remove them, they would stick with him till the end. They’re just annoying like that. Particularly, a so-called Demonic Vice-Commander.

And Gintoki doesn’t know why, but whenever he stares into said man’s blue (very blue) eyes, the ache in his chest lessens, just a tiny bit. It’s still there, but somehow it’s become bearable. Maybe it’s because Hijikata is living proof that someone is like him, someone understands how he feels, understands  _him_. Or perhaps it’s because he knows that he is not alone in this, and the knowledge of that clears his mind, allowing him to believe just a bit that maybe it’s not possible to protect everyone, that it wasn’t his fault he wasn’t able to save every single one of his comrades. That maybe this is just how it is. 

Or perhaps looking at Hijikata, he found someone he wanted to protect.

Either way, Gintoki is grateful to him, and no matter how much he denies it, he’s glad to have met him.

 

 


End file.
